Barnmouse Blitherings

Well, scratch that.  I haven’t been to the gym in a week.  But that will change to-DAY!  I’m going.  Yes I am.  I’m already dressed.  My iPod is charging.  There is no backing out now.

And if I keep telling myself that, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll go.

Other than my very expensive, POS new microwave, I pretty much have nothing interesting going on.  Other than my absolute resolve to go to the gym today.  Yes!  Am going!

Right.  So.  The crappy microwave.  Since my old microwave decided to lose it’s damn mind, we had to get a new one.  What?  Live without my popcorn?  Never!

We decided to get one of the new fancy schmancy convection microwaves.  So we scouted them out at all the major places that sell them and finally decided on one.  So we bought it.  Yay!  New microwave!  Gimme popcorn!  Woo!

Once we get it home, Rat decided to get seriously pissed at me because I didn’t want to spend yet another day working on his office.  Hey, he didn’t help me with mine!  Why do I have to do his whole office with him?  Hmm?  No reason!  That’s why!  Anyway.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, the microwave.  So, I’m on the couch holding back tears because my back hurts so bad, and when I don’t want to crawl around on my hands and knees all damn day…again…Rat gets all pissy and says “Fine!  Then you hook up the microwave!”.  I said something along the lines of “You could barely pick it up off the shelf at the store!  I’ll drop it and break it!”.  And what does Mr Pissy say back? “You’ve got money.  Buy a new one.”

Bah.

This is when I get THE RESOLVE.  And start yelling at him and talking shit in my head.  You want me to hook up the damn microwave?  FINE!  I’ll hook up the damn microwave.  And I’ll do it BETTER THAN YOU!!  HA!  I RULE AND YOU SUCK!  I won’t drop it, I’m strong.  I can pick it up!  I don’t need your damn help.  Of course, all of this was in my head.  Bock Bock.  Yes.  I am a chicken.

But!!  I hooked up the microwave!  I loved my new microwave!  It could grill and roast and BAKE!!!  Oh my!  I wanted to do all three!  Now!  NOW NOW NOW!!!!  But it was like…3:30.  And we had eaten lunch at around 2.  And I had nothing to make.  *sigh*

Then, a day later, I decided!  The Closer!  Yay!  POPCORN TIME!  So.  Happy little mouse skips to the kitchen and grabs a bag of popcorn, looking forward to finally making something in her brand spankin’ new microwave!  And look!  A “popcorn” button!  Aww.  I love my microwave!  I push the “popcorn” button.  I push the “start” button.  I wait. 

Gee.  This microwave is awful quiet. *scratching head* After a minute, there’s a pop.  Oh.  Okay.  I guess it really is cooking.  But really.  So quiet.  52 seconds left.  Everything cuts off.  Wha? 

Long story short, the fan doesn’t cut on!  Ever!  At all!  So, we have to take it back and hope that they’ll let us return it without a box.  Because we are idiots.  We threw the box away.  To be fair, it was a giant ass box and having it in the kitchen was a bit inconvenient.  Rat called their customer service last night and was on hold for ooooohhh….30 minutes or so!  And the lady he talked to said that she was pretty sure we could return it without the box, since it’s defective, they’re not going to be reselling it.  I could always help them out and throw it out a window or something.

But for now, I will just have to be satisfied by flipping it off every time I walk past it.  And it just sits there.  Mocking me.

Stupid microwave.

*flipping it off from the den* 

So.  A man walked into a bar…

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The second guy ducked.

HA!

*curtsey*

The End.

I’m horrible!  I haven’t posted in like…well, let’s not dwell on that.

Been doin’ stuff!  Rat had the 4th off and then took the 5th and 6th off too, so that we could get some much need home improvement stuff done.  We had a list of about 5 things, and got a total of….ONE done.  Yay!  We rock!

To be fair, the ONE thing we got accomplished was ripping up carpet and putting down hard woods in Rat’s office.  Not exactly the easiest of tasks. 

Here is the timeline for the past few days:

Wednesday, the 4th – nothing…I think we got a hotdog or something. 

Thursday, the 5th – 3:00 start moving things out of Rat’s office, and by “things” I mean about 15 computers and two large desks and about 4 bajillion computer books that way 800 pounds a piece.  We have to unplug whatever magical little device let’s me get on the internet.  Rip up carpet and carpet padding.  Homebuilders apparently thought the carpet padding needed 17000 staples, all of which I had to pull out with the absolute worst pair of pliers ever.  Rat drilled in screws by all the nails and got rid of all the floor squeaks.  I find whole new batch of staples to pull out.  Rat’s drill battery dies.  I pull up tack strips and find even more staples.  Tired of standing up, sitting down, standing up, sitting down, I decide to kind of waddle around the room squatting until I feel a very unpleasant “rip like” sensation in my knee.  I sit down and cry.  While whimpering, I find another damn staple.  Pull it out and drop it down the vent.  Oops.  6:30 – We quit for the day.

Friday, the 6th – start working aorund 12:00.  Sweep, sweep, sweep for what seems like hours.  Finally start putting down the floor.  Quit at 2:30 to go get lunch.  Start back up at 4:00.  Want to quit by 4:02.  Finish putting in floor around umm….I don’t know…a million o’clock or something like that.

Saturday, the 7th – I can not move.  I spend the day on the couch with 5 pillows under my knees.  I keep forgetting we still have no internet.  Rat spends the day on the baseboard and changing the outlets and putting up a ceiling fan.  He gets done around 7 and I am forced to watch a horrible Kung Fu movie.  Blargh!

Sunday, the 8th – Back still hurts but at least I don’t have to walk like a little old lady anymore.  We move stuff back into Rat’s office.  Yay!  Internet!  How I missed you!  How did I ever live without you?!  Rat spends the day organizing some stuff in his office and I spend the day washing crystal I got from my Granny.  Apparently they were not just cloudy after years and years of use.  Whoops.  My bad.  I guess I should have actually washed them before.  On to polishing silver.  Then, because I love him so much and I’m such a nice person and wonderful wife, I took Rat out to the Outback for a “Woo Hoo your office is finally done!” dinner.  We had the nicest waitress EVER.  If I could remember her name, I’d totally tell y’all.  But alas, I have the memory of a flea.

Wow.  How’s that for interesting, huh?  LOL  So now, after going through the Sunday paper and finding all the good coupons, I’m watching Supernatural and realizing I haven’t posted anything in awhile and I was trying to do that “post every day” thing, which wasn’t exactly going that well to begin with, but I really can’t believe I went this long without posting.  So!  I’m back!  The internet’s back!  I’ll try and take some really cute pictures of the cats or something and post them tomorrow, which is actually today, so I should probably go to bed and quit with the damn run on sentences already!

Okay, just saw a commercial for this and I have to say something….What is America’s Next Top Model going to GO AWAY!?!?!?  Please!  TV people!  Take Top Model, Survivor, American Idol, and the new brilliant Hooter’s Dream Girl Challenge and put them all in a little box and shoot them into outer space!!!.  Oh My Hell!  People PLEASE!!!!  This reality tv crap has got to stop.  I digress. *steps down off soapbox*

OH!  And I got a GPS for my birthday!!!  A Garmin c550, to be exact.  I luuurve it!  It’s fantastic.  I’m dying to go on a long trip to somewhere new now.  I don’t know how many more times I can let this thing give me directions to the grocery store.