Barnmouse Blitherings

SPF – Muse, News, Booze, Cruise (hey, I like where this is going)
September 28, 2006, 11:49 pm
Filed under: Weekly-ish Things

This week, the SPF category is Muse. Let’s jump right in, shall we? It’s been a long week.

1.) SomeTHING (not someone) that inspires you to do what you do. (work, hobby, donate, create…whatever)

These are just a sampling of my books. I LOVE my books. I’m in the middle of re-flooring my office at the moment though, so this is all I could get to in the guestroom (if there were some plants, it would literally be a “jungle in there”). I am a writer….mostly….or at least, attempting to be one. Even just looking at these books imspires me to want to write. Unfortunately, that’s not all it takes. Also, GOOD IDEAS help sometimes too. Where do I find those? Maybe they’re under the bed.

2.) Something you don’t like to read about on blogs. (yes, you can find a picture to describe this)

Oh boy was she ever right!

THE NEWS!!! I hate the news. My husband makes me watch two hours of news every night (thankfully, mostly not on the weekends). All culminating in ABC’s World News Tonight with Charles Gibson (ugh). I miss Peter Jennings! Pete and I had a repore. FOr starters, I called him “Pete”. Pete and I were good buddies. Anyway, if I wanted to READ the news, I’d go to one of the INFINITE news sites and read it from there without all the personal opinion stuff and the conveniently leaving-out of specific things that only help to make whoever’s point. So…in short. The News. There’s a reason that this paper…correction…this PART of the paper from…uhh…apparently 2003 was the only on in the house, and that was only because something was wrapped in it (notice the lovely wrinkles). News is not funny (generally) and when I go online, I mostly just want to be entertained. I need funny, y’all!

3.) Something that inspires you to write on your blog.(okay, she may have written “plog”, but I just wrote “GLOG”! HA!)

My music. And pretty much just MY music…definitely NOT my husband’s music. My music gives me inspiration for pretty much anything I want or need to do. My husband’s music, on the other hand, makes me want to scratch someone’s eyes out! Mainly HIS! It’s bad, y’all. Baaaaad. My music is gooooood. So what all this boils down to is: Him = bad and Me = GOOD! (hee)

Did you play?! 🙂


September 28, 2006, 10:52 pm
Filed under: whineyness



It has not been a good week.

Especially for my pinky toes. Wait, let me explain.

So far this week, I have been attacked by the lawnmower, my shoes, and a cardboard box. Oh, and one musnt forget the cat’s butt! OH MY GOD YES I JUST SAID THE CAT’S BUTT!!!!

Like I said. Bad week. Very, very bad week.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I was mowing the wheat field…uh, I mean lawn and just mowing along, minding my own damn business, when suddenly, out of NOWHERE something thwacked me in the THROAT! I have NO idea what. I was too stunned to go looking for whatever evil, vile chunk of whatEVER.

So now I have, what appears to be a botched trachiatomy gash and it is too damn hot for a turtleneck.

On to the toes. Yes. BOTH of them. Both of the poor little piggies that went Wee Wee Wee, All the way home. It all started inocently enough with a pair of, what I mistakenly thought at the time, shoes. When you first put them on, you can’t believe how comfy they are. After 5 hours of being comfy, the evil shoes get tired of that and decide that they will now grow spikes and torture my poor littlest piggies! They are now twice the size they’re supposed to be! I used to have cute teeny tiny little pinky toes. Oh no. Not anymore. These are the biggest blisters I have EVER SEEN! And they will not pop. I am incappable of popping blisters. I can’t. NO. I just CAN’T! Ew! It’s just so gross. And they’re squishy! And OH MY GOD MY TOES ARE GOING TO FALL OFF!!!

pout, whimper, sigh.

But this is not the end of the harrowing piggy tail. (tee hee…get it…I said “tail” instead of “tale”…this so amuses me!)

This morning, after That Involving the Cat’s BUTT That We Shall Not Talk About Yet…I walked past a cardboard box and long story short I NOW HAVE A PAPER CUT ON MY BLISTER!!! What?! That can happen?! Nooooo! And it wasn’t deep enough to umm…ew….pop…..blech….the blister!! So, now, I have the pain….the PAIN….of these giant blisters and on top of that, on the left pinky toe, I also have a paper cut!

Pardon my French, but….shit! (Dear Mom, I didn’t just say that. I NEVER say that. That’s a BAD word and your lovely little daughter who is perfect and pretty and oh-so-sweet would NEVER say anything other than lovely things about kitties and butterflies and chocolate cake.)

Bad to the Cat Butt thing…..

sigh again

After not getting to sleep until around 4 dispite having GONE to bed at 1, I was hoping to sleep a little bit later than usual. And I hoped that Miss Kitty would let me sleep and not lick my eyelid like she usually does with her terrible kitty cat breath and also would not tap me in the face with her paw, which I’m sure was JUST in the litter box. Which she did. It was not Miss Kitty that woke me up. It was Mr Kitty! Who is now renamed for the purpose of this site as BAD KITTY! BAD BAD KITTY!!!

Screaming “BAD KITTY” is not the first thing that should come out of ones mouth in the morning….especially when you have not gotten nearly enough sleep.

“Bad Kitty” jumped up onto the bed….where I was blissfully FINALLY asleep and started rubbing on me (just his head at this point) where I sleepily, half-awakely, scratched his chin and behind his ears and then promptly fell back to sleep. Only to be woken up again by something rubbing on my hand and then a WET sensation and Y’ALL THIS CAT WIPED HIS BUTT ON ME!!!!! OH GROSS!!!!

In my sleep-induced haze and then my cat-ass induced hysteria, it was reflex to wipe my hand on my shirt. So then, still in a sleepy fog and tripping over EVERYthing in my path and some things that weren’t even IN my path, I made my way to the bathroom and showered with waaay too hot water for waaaaay too long, but I just couldn’t get it out of my head that OH MY GOD IT’S ON ME!!! IT’S ON ME!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!! ON MY GOD GET IT OFF!!!

I finally get out of the shower and get dressed for what I’m pretty sure is just going to be a fabulous (ha ha) day, and then I realize, he WIPED HIS BUTT ON MY PILLOW TOO!!!!


This has NOT been my week.

And on top of all of that….my sweet, caring, loving husband told me to….eww….use a needle to pop my blisters! AHH!!! But that’s not all he said! He said to get a needle, a pair of pliers, and a lighter! At this point, I’m staring at him with saucer-sized eyes going “PLIERS?! What the hell do I need pliers for?! What do you think is wrong with me that I would benefit from PLIERS?” and he said…and I quote “you take the needle and hold it with the pliers and heat up the end until it’s red hot….” and I don’t know what he said after that because I ran screaming from the room.

Also, I got chased by a wasp outside when trying to take the trash down to the curb. And now my neighbors think I’m crazy. And thanks to the neighbor’s dog to alerting them all to my plight. Because that’s exactly what I needed while running around my yard whacking myself in the head screaming while wearing my flip flops, since that’s all I can wear with the blisters the size of BOWLING BALLS on my poor teeny tiny pinky toes.

Oh boy, I just can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Can you pull your spleen? I think I pulled my spleen.
September 26, 2006, 3:02 pm
Filed under: I totally have real life friends too

So, Computer Guy and I went to Model and Suds’ (the artist formerly known as Mr Clean, but after getting to know him a little better, this fits more and plus I’m trying to cut everyone’s pseudonym down to one word, so Computer Guy might get a new name shortly too) house this past Saturday and had dinner. It was yummy. I’d never had a spicey tomato sauce before, but I’ll definitely be trying to copy it in the future!

Also, after dinner…we played CRANIUM! I’d never played that before, but had seen several commercials on tv that made no sense what-so-ever. Some guy dancing around with a purple brain hat on his head with a guitar singing some weird little song.

Anyway. We stared at the box for awhile (which is the size of a trivial pursuit box, which frankly, scared me a little) and then decided what the hell! Let’s tear into this thing! So we open the box and Computer Guy did what he always does when we get something new and exciting. He reads the directions, people! I’m like Oh my God, can’t we just figure this out?! Model has played this like three times before! Apparently we could not, since we had to continuously go back to the directions page thingy all through the game!

It was such a blast! We played this game until almost 2 am! I thought it was maybe 12.

I also learned something about myself and Computer Guy. I am a GOOD GUESSER. Okay, I guess that’s a little bit more about me. Here’s an example of how our evening went:

setting the scene…we were on a blue space which is in the “Creative Cat” category, meaning that one of us would have to do something creative (be it draw with our eyes closed, mold something out of this purple clay stuff, etc…)

Model: Pick one player to mold the thing listed on the card out of clay. I’ll read the hint and then pass the card to the choosen player and then start the timer. The hint is ANIMAL.

(Computer Guy was the “Choosen One” so-to-speak, so he was the one molding, I was the one guessing)

Computer Guy: (reading the card) uhhhh……. (begining to roll the clay into a ball)

Self: Hedgehog! Wombat! Cat! Dog! MOUSE FROG GUINEA PIG!!!

Computer Guy: (looking at me like I’m crazy) (he has not started molding yet)

Self: What!?! Octopus! Rat! Horse! Donkey! Manatea!

Computer Guy: (still has not started molding)

Everyone is now just looking at me like I’m crazy

Computer Guy finally rolls the big hunk into a large ball and tears off a little piece and makes a really small ball and sticks it on the big ball…

Self: TURTLE!!!!

End Scene

Oh yeah, and I got it RIGHT!

What’s that? You want to hear another example? Like one that caused Suds to say “You guys have been together too long”? Well alright then!

the category is now umm…something like “Star Performer” or something along those lines, where you or your partner who has to act out something like charades or try and talk like the character with no gestures or hum/whistle a song (and no…I couldn’t think of the damn Lone Ranger Theme….still!!!)

Computer Guy is acting. I am guessing.

Model: (reading the card) Pick one player to talk like the person listed on the card….yadda yadda yadda….

Self: (staring at Computer Guy like he’s about to tell me the meaning of life)

Computer Guy: Oh crap, I don’t know how to talk like him! Uhhh….okay…. (in his normal voice) Heeeeere’s Johnny!

Self: ED MCMAHON!!!!!!!

Computer Guy: Yes!!!

Suds: You guys have been together way too long.

End Scene

So….between that and Model trying to act like Batman and also trying to act out “Rodeo” I’ve never laughed so hard in my life! I think I burned off all the calories I ate at dinner. (and I ate a LOT). I thought I had laughed as hard as possible without physically injuring my innards…..until…..I came home and read what Miss Doxie wrote HERE.

I think I have pulled my spleen or all my ribs have just turned to rubble. I’m downstairs at 1:45 am. I can’t stop reading her blog. I’m addicted. As I’m reading this one entry in particular I start laughing….and I’m trying not to wake up Computer Guy…who is sleeping….so I’m like laugh/wheezing….and it’s so funny….and there are tears rolling down my face….and I can’t stop…and I think I’ve injured myself.

So 30 minutes later, I’ve calmed down enough to go to bed. But I can’t turn my brain off. So, I’m lying there, staring at the clock and at 2:17, I remember another moment from our evening of Cranium. Suds was acting out the charades thing and Model was guessing and the clue was Berlin Wall. She got “Germany” and “Hitler” and then Suds tried out act out “wall” and he kept drawing a box in the air which totally confused Model. So she stares at him for a second while he keeps doing his “wall” thing and suddenly she screams out “Wal-Mart!!!”, which totally made me lose it and I couldn’t stop laughing again. So I’m trying to go to sleep, and Computer Guy is already asleep, and I’m trying not to wake him up, but I’m seriously unable to stop laughing. But I’m trying not to make any noise, which is totally makeing it worse. So I’m just doing that “silent laughing” thing and the bed is shaking because I’m laughing so hard.

So it was about 4-something before I got to sleep.

My abs hurt.

hair today, gone tomorrow
September 25, 2006, 8:18 pm
Filed under: whineyness

When you see this picture…..

….what’s the first word that comes to mind? Is it “shiney”? No. I didn’t think so. Me either.

I saw this commercial on tv (I guess that would be the first red flag) for this Clairol Natural Instincts Shine Happy stuff that’s supposed to make your hair shiney. It does nothing to the color of your hair (I’m too much of a wuss for that….although I’ve been wanting to possibly try that too). Just adds shine. Supposedly. Lots and lots of shine. Or to quote them:

“Adds Brilliant, Long Lasting Shine”

uh huh

I’m just not seein’ it.

I was thinking maybe it was because the shine-goo stuff that I had to put on my hair was spread too thin. I have really long, thick hair and generally the people who make the “hair stuff” and who write the “hair stuff directions” don’t take that into consideration. Ohhh, they go on and on about “if you have very fine hair” this and “if you have gray hair” that, but nothing on anything like “hey, do you have really thick, wavy, long hair? then do this….”.


I threaten to shave my head on a weekly basis.

hodge podge….
September 21, 2006, 2:11 am
Filed under: vacuum cleaner kitties, whineyness

It’s finally starting to feel like Fall! Finally! Well…it kinda feels like Fall. Until about 11am and then again after 4pm. Around 5 today, I sat outside on our front stoop (I so wish we had a porch big enough to put a few rocking chairs on without making it impossible to open the front door) and it was so nice! It just put me in a good mood. And after being woken up by one of the cats barfing under the bed right under my head, I needed a little help getting into a good mood.

Thanks Kitty.

We’re pulling up the carpet in my office and putting down hardwood-ish floors. They’re not the real $7 a square foot hardwood floors, but they’re scratch-resistant and easy to install (kinda) and (most importantly) in our price range. That last one was the highest priority since we’re not only putting them down in my office, but in Computer Guy’s office and our bedroom too. We’ve already put them down in the guest room and in the hallway upstairs. Downstairs has the real fancy schmancy hardwood floors so at least we don’t have to do that.

On the box of the strips of interlocking faux hardwood floors, it says in ginormous letters “EASY LOCK”. Umm….no. In their commercial on tv, with time-lapse cameras of course, the ever-smiling couple puts the whole floor together in no more than an hour. They never break a sweat, or let their smiles fade. They never have to rip apart two rows of the floor because they don’t meet up right. They never have to whip out the trusty jigsaw. They’re not covered in sawdust. And their definitely not glaring at each other after 10 minutes and muttering under their breath.

So…*I* moved everything out of my office (including my giant closet that I loved up until the very moment that I peeked inside and realized that I had to move everything out of it), and then *I*pulled up all the carpet and the naaaasty carpet padding…….

Thanks again, Kitty.

….and then *I* (are you seeing a pattern here? yeah….we had a little tiff….it all started with me bringing him something cold to drink since my office gets really hot during the day…he suddenly blows up and says something along the lines of “fine, why don’t you just do it all then?”…and me, never being one to back down, said “FINE!!!”) hmm…where was I again?….oh yeah….and then *I* pulled up the at least hundred million jillion staples that the idiots that built this house used to keep the padding in place….like the gawd-awful powder blue carpet wouldn’t have held it down? Then, of course, came the prying off of the base board (oh how I loath the base board….many years has base board been my arch enemy…I am plotting my revenge…), and then the banging out of the stooopid weirdass nails that they use to attach the evil base board. Nails aren’t supposed to turn themselves into “S” shapes! Grrr! So then, *I* (yes, still just *I*) scrapped off caulk and painted-on carpet (what?!).

Somehow, pulling up the carpet and replacing it with the hardwood floors has turned into installing a ceiling fan, reshimming both closet doors and the door to the office, sanding and repainting baseboard, painting window trim, touching up the ceiling, replacing blinds, and possibly looking for a new desk.


Just talking about it makes me need to lie down.


it’s gettin’ to be about that time…
September 17, 2006, 5:16 am
Filed under: whineyness

The time to start figuring out what I’m going to make for my annual “Family Christmas Eve Dinner”.

It started in ’99 when I was just trying to help my mom and grandma out by doing whatever I could and my mom said “why don’t you make something for dinner the night before Christmas?”…and so it began.

Every year since then I’ve tried to top myself, which, let’s face it, wasn’t all that hard after the first dinner. I think instead of trying to top myself, I’ve been trying to make up for that first dinner. I thought it was fine…and so did CG. I made a stir fry of sorts that I kind of made up. Anyway. I made mashed potatoes to go along with it. Let me back track a second and say that I was 18 at the time. So…well….yeah….I made my Betty Crocker mashed potatoes in the box.

*pause for gasps*

What?! They’re good!


I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I was actually quite proud of myself for whipping up dinner for 8 and not burning anything or undercooking anything, etc. But……now….when I think back….all I can think of is the look my grandmother (the absolute BEST cook EVER) tried to hold back when she saw my box of mashed potatoes.

So, yeah, I’m trying to make up for the powdered mashed potatoes that I can’t believe I feed to my gourmet chef Granny! (and she ATE them! Oh what grandparents do for their grandchildren….I think it helped that I’m the only granddaughter….hehe).

Let’s see if I can remember back….*thinking*….um…no….I can’t remember what I’ve made all 5 years after that, but I can remember the last few. Here’s what I’ve made:

herb crusted steak with smokey balsamic onions
chicken parmesan
cheesey crock pot chicken (you wouldn’t believe how good this is)
chicken kiev (another really yummy one)

That’s all I can remember. This year I’m thinking of going with this new meatloaf recipe I’ve found. I’ve had a hankerin’ for meatloaf for the past few years….but not just any meatloaf. My MOM’S meatloaf! I tried several different recipes (and, I’m ashamed to say, I tried some frozen ones too…Yick!) and none of them were good. Then I was watching the food network and saw this recipe for meatloaf and said to myself “okay…I’m trying this last one. If it doesn’t turn out right….THAT’S IT for meatloaf for me!”….and wouldn’t you know….it was the best!!!

I’m thinking of making the meatloaf, which is surprisingly simple to make. I’m also considering (if I make the meatloaf) to make this yummy mashed potatoes (Yes, with actual potatoes this time!) that has parmesan and mozzarella cheese and some other stuff and then…..oh then……you crust it with parmesan breadcrumbs. It. Is. So. Yummy.

I don’t know what else would go with that. What do y’all think? About everything. I don’t know. I’ve got to decide soon so I can make whatever a few times without CG and me getting so sick of it we don’t want it when I make it for everyone.

Enough whining from me.

I’ll leave you with this….

It’s a freakin’ Praying Mantis! He (or she…I think it was a “he” though…he looked like a “Louie”)….or “Louie” decided that they wanted to hang out on our lawn mower cover. I thought he was cool. There was a little caterpiller chilling on there with him too (I’m not sure if he’s in the picture….I named him “Stan”).

there’s got to be something else to clean…

We’re having my friend “Super Model” and her significant other “Mr Clean” (no…not bald! Just does a lot of cleaning…hehe) over for dinner tonight. I’ve been cleaning for the past few days, but with 2 cats and a huge dog with white hair that, it would seem, falls out by the handful (seriously, he should be bald by now!) to see our trash can, you’d think this is the first time I’d ever cleaned this house! I had to sweep the stairs off twice since the first pass stirred up so much dang cat hair, it looked like I hadn’t cleaned at all. That’s the problem. If I know in advance that we’re having company, I still can’t start really cleaning until 2 days before because I’d just end up having to do it all over again. So…I’ve gotten all up into my cleaning groove….and now there’s nothing left.

I’m clean-crashing.

I need a fix, man!

Someone spill something, quick!

I’m considering letting the dog run around inside just for the hair tumbleweeds.

I guess I could vacuum one more time, but I’m afraid Computer Guy will stage an intervention and take all my Swiffer stuff away from me…

Hmm….maybe some more caffiene will help….