Barnmouse Blitherings

2, 4, 6, 8, Who Do We Appreciate?
January 30, 2007, 6:15 pm
Filed under: I totally have real life friends too

Mom! Mom! Yaaaaaaaaay MOM!!!

Today is my mother’s birthday. I believe she’s…..yes, she’s 37. Or is it 35? 26? I can’t ever remember…she gets younger every year! At least every year since I moved out. I wonder why that is…hmm…

Also, this is my 100th post. Wheeeeee!

We were supposed to celebrate last weekend (the birthday, not the 100th post…although, that’s an interesting idea) but Rat and I both woke up Friday with something resembling the flu. Only meaner. To be fair, Rat got it worse than I did, but that’s probably because he’s the one who brought it home. So he deserved it. Ha!

Where was I going with this. Oh yes, we were going to celebrate my mom’s 29th birthday last weekend, but we were sick and had to cancel. Which sucked. I was really looking forward to it. So looking forward to it, in fact, that did not clean the house one little bit. At all. Not even a little bit. Unless you count the dirt I picked up off the floor with my socks….which I then took off and threw on the floor.

Now normally when my parents are coming to visit, I turn into a cleaning machine, but this time I just couldn’t get into it and I didn’t know why. Of course, when I woke up Friday with a migraine and a fever, things started coming into focus. And then going out of focus. Cause migraines are just no fun. Bah.

But we’re both much better today, thanks for asking (I’m sure you did. You’re so polite.) and I’m trying to make a dent in this pile of laundry. I’ve got about twice as much since I’m also washing blankets and comforters and pillows to try and get rid of all the sicky germs. The bastards.

Wait. There was a point to this post. What was it? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Mom! I promise this weekend will be a lot of fun. Way more fun than last weekend would have been. Even if we weren’t sick. So you see? It all worked out for the best. And also, the house will be clean (at least somewhat…I don’t expect Rat to help since he will most likely be playing the “I’m siiiiiiick” card for the rest of the week. And what’s with that anyway? I was sick too. And yet I was the one who had to peel myself off the couch to go get nyquil and mucinex and soup. Why? Can anyone explain to me why grown men become 2 year olds when they get the sniffles and yet women have to walk it off and continue to cook and pick up after our poor sick hubby who just can’t be bothered to take his soup bowl back into the kitchen although he had no problem exploding the soup all over the inside of the microwave and now I’ve lost my train of thought again.). Oh yes, the clean house. Or semi-clean anyway. At least the mound of laundry in the hallway should be gone by then. Mostly.

So….Happy Birthday Mom! I love you and I can’t wait until this weekend when we get to celebrate!

Also, HI DAD!!!


Dear Kind of Neighbor Who’s Back Yard Backs Up to Ours,
January 29, 2007, 4:43 am
Filed under: whineyness

Is it really neccessary to leave your 10,000w bare bulb porch light on ALL NIGHT LONG??!! I’m sure your little yap dog does not need that much light to poop at 1 am.

Thank you,

Your sick, cranky, sleep deprived neighbor

The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen….Ever.
January 25, 2007, 5:31 am
Filed under: Public Humiliation

Seriously. Ever.

The Peanut Gallery
January 25, 2007, 2:11 am
Filed under: my dog ate the obedience instructor, vacuum cleaner kitties

I thought since I’ve had this here blaaawg for 6 months now, that I would introduce you to my sounding board.

Hi, I’m Winston. I love this picture of me because it makes me look ferocious. In reality, I’m actually just yawning. I do that a lot.

Age: 5 (on January 27th)
Weight: a tad too much, but Mommy is making me eat lite food now. Yuck! I’m still eating it though.
Nicknames: Chubby, Chunkers, Winny Poo, Booger, Poo, Tubby, Porkchop, Wooggie, and Bear
Turn On’s include: food, cat nip, cardboard boxes, butter, new furniture, dog food, Mommy’s new flipflops, and mail.
Turn Off’s inclue: lite food, cute cat toys, being woken up, stairs, closed doors, and LITE food!
Personal Quote: “Seriously, no more lite food, okay?”

Name: Ebenezer (yes, I am a girl. I’m am Crazy, therefore, I needed a Crazy name.)
Age: 8, but I do NOT look it. Look at that face. Not a wrinkle in sight!
Weight: a lady never tells
Nicknames: Neezer, Neezie, Sneezie, Noodle, Sugar Pie, Boogs, and Little Girl
Turn On’s include: meat, raw meat, cooked meat, Winston locked in a closet, fun stringy toys, trying to run outside, and meat
Turn Off’s include: Winston, strangers, the stoopid dog, not getting meat, regular cat food, and expensive cat toys.
Personal Quote: “I am a pretty, pretty princess. You give me meat NOW!!!”

Name: Shadow, what else needs to be said after this picture?
Age: 6 (March 21st)
Weight: 110-120, depending on what I eat in the yard on any given day
Nicknames: Nut, Doofus, Puppy, Mr. Puppy, Sugarplum (but only when I’m good, so almost never), and Bud
Turn On’s include: eating dead things, the treats Mommy makes me, Jumbones (“because a big dog doesn’t wanna chew a small bone, anymore than he wants to use a telephone…”), eating more dead things, grabbing the brush while Mommy is brushing me and running around the yard with it, and dead things.
Turn Off’s include: people, dogs, cats, birds, meter readers, anything else that moves, obedience instructers, and Milkbone treats. Yick.
Personal Quote: “Play! Play, play, play, play, plaaaay! Playplayplayplayplayplayplay!!!”

Well there you have it y’all. My peanut gallery.

Demon Spawn or Just Talented?
January 22, 2007, 7:05 pm
Filed under: general wonderment


First, let me start out by saying that I? Am a terrible Googler. I never enter the right words and I rarely get an answer to whatever question that I have. With this specific…um….issue, I’ve even sat down with a thesaurus to try and find an answer to my question.

So. Here it is. It’s kind of hard to explain, so I guess that’s why I’m procrastinating. It’s going to take a bit of explaining, so here goes.

I can, uh, wiggle my eyes. Like, in my head. Without moving my head. They vibrate. Or shiver. It’s really weird and I don’t know how I do it.

When I was 5 or 6, a sort of friend of mine ran up to my mom on the playground (she was a “classroon parent” or whatever they call them now) and said “Hey! Look at what I can do!” and then he made his eyes wiggle. I never saw it, but my mom told me about it. I tried it and voila!

It’s almost like, I halfway cross my eyes, but they don’t cross, and then I uncross them at the same time. It doesn’t hurt at all. Or give me a headache. I’d just really like to know what exactly the hell is wrong with me. I have visions of grapefruit-sized tumors in my brain or something.

So please. If any of y’all “Googler-Extrordinaires” out there fell like a challenge…this is a good one.

It’s a neat party trick. Some people are enthralled by it and it makes others (like one of my best friends) queasy. Some people ask me to do it everytime I see them, especially if there’s someone new there. Other people make me promise never to do it again.

But on the bright side, I’ve never lost a staring contest.

*Edited to spell ophthalmologist correctly. Thank you Google.

A New Tradition?
January 18, 2007, 5:24 pm
Filed under: Weekly-ish Things

I’m thinking of starting a new tradition here on my little blaaawg. I’ve been tossing it around in my head for awhile, and it kinda got lost for some time. (Things get lost in my head all the time)

Anyway, what I’m thinking about doing is “Interesting things on the side of the road Thursday”. And by “things” I do not mean “squished things”. I mean “interesting, random things”. Don’t worry, if you don’t get it, you will after this first one. Although, I’m not sure I’ll be able to top this one:

This is without a doubt, the creepist Santa I’ve ever seen. Not to mention the fact that I took this picture today. Today. January the 17th. There used to be a Christmas tree lot there, but it’s been gone since before Christmas. I’m thinking they decided to ditch “Hitler Santa” and find one a little less….disturbing for next year. Because seriously….I’m not buying a Christmas tree from that guy. Something is just wrong there.

So tune in again next Thursday, when hopefully I’ll be able to come up with something just as odd, but maybe not so disturbing.

Enough Already….Where are my Brains?!
January 17, 2007, 7:17 pm
Filed under: it was all his fault, whineyness
“Seriously. Tomorrow. Clean Bathroom!”

This is what I’ve been reduced to. Having to leave myself Post-It’s on my bathroom mirror at 2 am. Who would have thought a 25 year old would be so scatterbrained? To make matters worse, I had written another Post-It note the day before to clean the bathroom and still forgot!

Damn. I need help.

But at least I have a clean bathroom now. For five minutes. Because I live with a man. And instead of spitting in the sink, apparently they think it’s perfectly fine to just go “phhhhhhlllllllbbbbbttttttt” all over the damn place.

Next time I’m leaving the note above his sink.

We’ll never have to buy wallpaper or new paint again. We can just line the walls with all the post-its I have to use to remind myself to do things. Like breathe.