Barnmouse Blitherings

should I just take the hint?
June 22, 2007, 12:55 am
Filed under: electronics are out to get me, whineyness

Y’all.  I think my oven just had a stroke.  Or maybe just hates me and thinks my cooking sucks.  Or is the devil.  I don’t know.  But I’m doing about a bajillion things right now and an oven shooting out sparks at me and going fffffftttttttt ffffffftttttttt ffffffffttttttttt at me is the last damn thing I need!

So much shit on this house has broken or given way or started peeling or fading or whatever, that I’m beginning to think that I should maybe just take the hint and move before I start hearing “GET OUT!” and seeing a jillion flies on the windows.  Although it may be too late if you count ants.


The oven is a funny story actually.  When I was growing up, my parents had this oven that I was afraid of.  For good reason though, I wasn’t just an insane kid (or was I?!)  It seemed that every time I used the damn thing, I’d burn myself.  So I kind of developed a hate/hate relationship with it.  Fast forward 10 years and we buy this house.  And I failed to notice it at the time, but after we got moved in and I was getting ready to cook dinner, I noticed that it’s the SAME DAMN OVEN!!!  OMG IT’S STALKING ME!  RUN!!

Since then, the clock has stopped working (it’s not 7:42 in our house all the time now), two of the knobs have fallen off never to be seen again, I’ve had to put a post-it on it that says “Turn oven off you moron!” because (and yes, this is the oven’s fault…somehow) I went through a phase where I couldn’t remember to turn the oven off (yes, I know, I’m 80), the clips that hold the bottom coil thing (whatever) in place have just disappeared (also never to be seen again…I think they ran off with the knobs, the sluts!), and now this.  Sparks and scary sounds of ffffftttttt and possibly death rays, I do not know.  But I’m not stickin’ around to find out.

Call me when my new oven’s in.  I’ll be in Hawaii.

**edited to add**

Oh My Hell, you guys!  My microwave just died!  ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m pretty sure I’ve got some kind of superpower that I don’t know about me.  Like maybe I can fry electronics just by looking at them or something.  I don’t know, but it’s got to be something.  It can’t just be bad luck.  I’m just waiting for the stove to blow up now or something.  At this point, my eye is never going to stop twitching.

Also, if Winston doesn’t stop scratching the furniture, I think my head is the next thing that’s going to explode.


1 Comment so far
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If my dog doesn’t stop peeing on the floor MY head is going to explode! He’ll shit in the right spot, but will just pee wherever!
Hun, I think you should move now. Seriously.
My air conditioner randomly started shooting sparks once out of the mail filter thingie if you can figure out what I’m talking about. Scared the ever living shit out of me!!!
Good luck hun!

Comment by Arlene

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