Barnmouse Blitherings


Letters to Gym People -Special Edition
February 6, 2008, 8:41 pm
Filed under: drop the cupcake and no one gets hurt, Public Humiliation

What’s so special about it, you might ask.  Well, nothing really, except that this one includes a letter to my bra.  Men, look away.

To the 50-ish guy with the comb-over and the Notre Dame sweatshirt talking on a cell phone while on the treadmill beside me,

Either get off the phone, or talk louder so that I can hear you and can stop straining.  I am blonde and therefore can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  At the moment, that one thing is not flying off the back of the treadmill.

***************

To the asshat in the Carolina t-shirt on the eliptical behind me,

There is a whole wall of glass in front of me and it’s dark outside.  I CAN SEE YOU.  Please wipe that creepy, toothy grin off your face or stop staring at me.  Again.  I CAN SEE YOU.  I am fully aware of my bra’s shortcomings and will absolutely never wear it to work out in again.  By the way, Duke is gonna kick Carolina’s ass tonight.  (I seriously felt like telling him that when he walked behind me, but I was gasping for air at the time and it probably wouldn’t have come out right.)  Oh, and piss off!

****************

Which brings me….

To my bra,

Stop it!  I hate you.  Enjoy your new life inside my trash can.

*****************

Say, are there any website designers out there looking to do some pro bono work?  Or how about some pro “bone” o work?  I can pay you in dog treats! 🙂  Or cookies.  I make a mean Chicken Kiev.  I just can’t look at any more stuff I don’t understand.  Which at this point, is just about everything.

*****************

Oh!  I nearly forgot to mention!  I jogged 20 minutes today!  TWENTY MINUTES!!!  YAY!!!  I’d like to give a special shout out to Beyonce and ‘the gals’ for their song Survivor which had the absolute perfect rhythm for the speed at which I was jogging.  And it’s a pretty damn good song as well.  I didn’t even mind listening to it four times as I tried to “survive” 20 minutes of jogging.

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hmmmm… well, I am wearing a Carolina shirt, but since I am not a dude, and don’t go to your gym, I guess I’m safe.

p.s. GO HEELS!

Comment by rhiannon

I’m sorry about your bra!
I can see how that song would be motivating…I can’t wait to start working out again!!!
What web stuff do you need help with toots?

Comment by Arlene

LMAO…I knew I’d get rhiannon with the Carolina comments! 😛

Comment by barnmouse




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