Barnmouse Blitherings


Letters to Gym People -Special Edition
February 6, 2008, 8:41 pm
Filed under: drop the cupcake and no one gets hurt, Public Humiliation

What’s so special about it, you might ask.  Well, nothing really, except that this one includes a letter to my bra.  Men, look away.

To the 50-ish guy with the comb-over and the Notre Dame sweatshirt talking on a cell phone while on the treadmill beside me,

Either get off the phone, or talk louder so that I can hear you and can stop straining.  I am blonde and therefore can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  At the moment, that one thing is not flying off the back of the treadmill.

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To the asshat in the Carolina t-shirt on the eliptical behind me,

There is a whole wall of glass in front of me and it’s dark outside.  I CAN SEE YOU.  Please wipe that creepy, toothy grin off your face or stop staring at me.  Again.  I CAN SEE YOU.  I am fully aware of my bra’s shortcomings and will absolutely never wear it to work out in again.  By the way, Duke is gonna kick Carolina’s ass tonight.  (I seriously felt like telling him that when he walked behind me, but I was gasping for air at the time and it probably wouldn’t have come out right.)  Oh, and piss off!

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Which brings me….

To my bra,

Stop it!  I hate you.  Enjoy your new life inside my trash can.

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Say, are there any website designers out there looking to do some pro bono work?  Or how about some pro “bone” o work?  I can pay you in dog treats! 🙂  Or cookies.  I make a mean Chicken Kiev.  I just can’t look at any more stuff I don’t understand.  Which at this point, is just about everything.

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Oh!  I nearly forgot to mention!  I jogged 20 minutes today!  TWENTY MINUTES!!!  YAY!!!  I’d like to give a special shout out to Beyonce and ‘the gals’ for their song Survivor which had the absolute perfect rhythm for the speed at which I was jogging.  And it’s a pretty damn good song as well.  I didn’t even mind listening to it four times as I tried to “survive” 20 minutes of jogging.



Just a quickie

I’m writing this from my parent’s house on an unfamiliar keyboard in the dark and I’m not doin’ so good on it.  So I’ll make this quick.

Pie Update:  It was EXCELLENT!!!  Everyone said so, so it wasn’t just me.  Hee.  And “everyone” includes my parents, Rat, and two other friends (and of course, me!).  So it’s confirmed.  Pie = Good

We celebrated my mom’s birthday today by dinner at the Outback, which was great (I can’t get enough of those damn onions!!!) except that they sat us in this booth/table that was up against a wall and so I had a wall two inches from my right and Rat two inches from my left, which made it damn near impossible for me to cut my steak!  Next time I’m sitting on the outside! 😛

Well, I’m going to cut this short since I keep having to go back and correct my spelling and then accidentally hitting the enter key or the / key and then having to fix that.  It’s getting late anyway and the “early bird” (my dad) has already gone to bed.  The office is right beside my parent’s bedroom (it actually used to be my old room) and I’m pretty sure he can hear my typing and cussing as I hit the wrong key!



TA DAAAAAH!!!
February 1, 2008, 6:11 pm
Filed under: drop the cupcake and no one gets hurt

pie

Turned out pretty good, no?  (except that weird little tear in the top line….but I’m picky about these things)



Results Not Typical
January 26, 2008, 9:47 pm
Filed under: drop the cupcake and no one gets hurt, it was all his fault

Is it just me, or would anyone else like to see a commercial for Nutrisystem or any other diet system that shows people who have lost weight with their “former” picture beside them to show everyone how much weight they’ve lost WITHOUT the words “RESULTS NOT TYPICAL” in small print?  What do you think would happen if they showed actual people who used the systems and lost a TYPICAL amount of weight?  I don’t know.  I think I might be MORE likely to consider it as opposed to one of the other ones with “RESULTS NOT TYPICAL” plastered all over the place. 

I’m still not crazy about the nutrisystem commercials though.

“Mah huuuzband….he thanks I’m HAAWT!”

OMG.  I mean damn.  I’m from the country, but Lordy that’s a bad accent!

**side note, Rat just uttered the words “We should build a catapult”.  Whaaa?  I gave him a look and then he says “What?  It’d be fun!”  If y’all stop hearing from me without notice, I’ve probably been flung two counties over and can’t find my way back.  (or my %$#*ing computer crashed again.)



DOES THIS MEAN I’M A GROWN UP NOW?

Yesterday, I bought my very first thing from Trader Joe’s.

Now, I have written about Trader Joe’s before.  And then when I walked in there for the first time, I wrote about my disappointment. (and also brown sugar glazed buffalo boogers…hee)

I’ve been in there a few times before yesterday, and the sheer amount of people in the tiny little store freaked me out to the point where I just couldn’t think about any else other than getting the hell out of there before I started to cry, or my ears started to bleed, or something else equally as traumatizing happened.

Heck of a run-on sentence there, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, when Rat and I had dinner at Super Model and Soon-to-be Mr Super Model’s house for dinner weekend before last we had cheese and crackers before dinner.  (They’re way classy like that.  When they come over here, they’re lucky if I throw them just plain crackers.  Hmm…appetizers!  What a novel idea! *making note to self*)  So they had several different kinds of cheeses.  One was a fig and (I believe) white cheddar, which Soon-to-be Mr Super Model made me taste (they’re well aware of my skidishness when dealing with new foods), and frankly, even though I smiled and said it wasn’t that bad…..*cough*itkindatastedlikefeet*cough*.  Soooo….yeah.  (and if you’re reading this, Super Model and the soon-to-be-mr….sorry…hee hee!)  Oh, yeah, my point.  Okay.  They had this other cheese…this double something cheddar with sun dried tomatoes and oregano that was just MWAH! *kisses fingers Italian style*  And wouldn’t you know, it was from Trader Joe’s. 

Damn.  I had to go back.

So apparently the crowds have calmed down a bit in the year that I’ve been avoiding the store.

The snootiness level, however, has just skyrocketed.  People!  Really!!!  Common courtesy!  Look around you before you go whipping that cart full of weird crap around and RIGHT INTO ME.  Oh, and don’t say you’re sorry or anything.  Just look at me like I’m in YOUR way and sigh and wait for me to walk around you.

I really have no idea why Trader Joe’s intimidates me so much.  I think it’s the over confidence and sense of entitlement that just oozes out of some of the people in there.  The check out girl, however, was so nice and one of those cute little chipmunk voices that I’m sure would get really annoying if you had to talk to her for a long amount of time.  But it was nice and refreshing at the time.

So…um..long story about cheese, huh?



ALL THOSE GETTING SNOWED IN RIGHT NOW, LOOK AWAY…

Rat and I made homemade ice cream today.  In January. 

My parents gave us an ice cream maker for Christmas this year and I just couldn’t wait any longer.  19 days is about all I could stand!  We made strawberry ice cream, but tons of other yummy-sounding recipes came with the ice cream maker. 

I’m definitely not one whose is very fond of ice cream (I have to eat it really slow to avoid the dreaded ice cream brain freeze), but this was good.  I seriously wish I could share it with all of you!  Except those allergic to strawberries.  For y’all I’ll make vanilla or something.

Anyway, I’m trying to finish making out my grocery list before I go to bed and it just dawned on me that I hadn’t blogged today, so ta-da!  I blogged.

Again, please excuse the choppy post.  I’m soooo very tired.  I went to the gym today (first time since last Sunday!  Yay me!) since I was feeling better (of course, I feel like crap again now, though) and I ran again!  Last week I ran 6 minutes, which I was ecstatic about!  But I knew I had to top that today.  Even as craptastic as I’ve been feeling lately.  So!  I ran for 8 minutes!!!  WOOO!!!!!  *doing the happy dance*  To run (or jog…whatev!) for 10 minutes is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.  And I kept thinking that in my head after I ran for 8 minutes.  So after walking for about 5 minutes so that I could breath again, I jogged for another 2 minutes.  Just to be able to say I jogged for 10 minutes.  Now in a row, but in the same workout!  I think next time I’ll have to just jog for 9 and then the next time do 10.  8 was a lot harder than 6.  But I did it!  And that’s the story of why I’m so damn tired and writing so crappily. (which is not a word)

So back to the grocery list it is.  I recently signed up for The Grocery Game, and OMG!!!  Why did I not do this before?  (well, because I didn’t know about it before…).  Really, if you’re interested in saving a TON of money, take a look around their website, or send me an email and I’ll explain it (’cause their website kind of makes some things hard to figure out…but that might be just me).  Also, if you do decide to sign up, if you tell them that I recommended them to you, (if 3 people sign up) then I get a few bucks off or something.  I really can’t remember!  Damn I’m tired! LOL



It’s Not What You Think, I Swear!

OR: HOW TO MAKE MARSHMALLOWS!

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Okay, this part isn’t about making marshmallows, but stick with me.  We’ll get there shortly.

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I’m at the middle stage of making truffles, thanks to my pal Rhiannon!  (So if they don’t turn out right, Rhiannon, I’m sending them all to you! LOL)  Okay, I don’t know what happened to those last few.  I think I just got lazy.  There’s a whole ‘nother plate full of them in the fridge (actually, they’re both in there now) so those last two are like number 66 and 67.  After 50 I got sorta bored.  Anyway, now I just have to wait for them to harden up and then coat them in MORE CHOCOLATE.  Is there anything better?

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Also!  I made fudge!  Like I said…MORE CHOCOLATE!  YAY!  This is only the first batch.  The second is still firming up in the pan.  There’s really more there than it looks.  That’s a LARGE rubbermaid box thingy (actually, I think it’s Glad, but really…who cares?).  Oh…and I might have eaten like…one piece….or ten….who’s counting?

NOW ON TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED MARSHMALLOWY-TYPE PROGRAMMING

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First, you put some sugar, corn syrup, and salt into a heavy saucepan and bring it to a boil until it hits 240 degrees F.  Here you can see me bravely burning my hand with hot steam to get a picture for y’all.  Yes.  You are welcome!

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I didn’t take a picture of the gelatin, water, and extract because that would be a picture of a big lump and that’s just boring.  Instead, I took a picture of my stand mixer.  Woo!  Once the sugar mixture is up to temp, pour it over the gelatin mixture and mix on high (with the whisk attachment) for 10 minutes.  Be SURE to cover at least the front with plastic wrap because HOT SUGAR WILL BURN OFF YOUR HAND OMG OUCH.  I am speaking from experience….and I just got it on my pinkie!  Youch!

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Line a 13 x 9 inch pan (I actually use a sheet pan with high, straight sides because otherwise you end up with really tall marshmallows and they’re kind of hard to eat). Spray the pan WELL with cooking spray.  Now is not the time to be stingy with the spray.

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Here is the first picture of the marshmallows in actual marshmallow form.

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I had a little brainstorm the night before I made these and decided to cut them into bars instead of squares so that each marshmallow could be 2-3 bites!  These are the things that keep me up at night.  So here’s a picture of them cut into bars.  I know they’re kind of hard to distinguish from each other so….

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and…..

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Hello hand.

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Here they are all lined up on wax paper.  I like to go ahead and line them all up so I can make sure they’ll all fit instead of running out of room while I’m in the middle of coating them.

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So pick the chocolate you want to coat your marshmallows in (you don’t actually have to coat them.  I’m going to make some peppermint marshmallows in a day or so and right before I pour them out of the pan, I’m going to mix in a few drops of red food coloring to make them all pink and white swirly!  They look great even uncoated!), and melt it over a double boiler (you can do it in the microwave, but I have had mixed results doing that.  I’m using a raspberry dark chocolate by Nestle.  Just too yummy!  And my mom is a raspberry fiend!  😛

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Here they are half coated.

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And here they are fully coated.  But was I done yet?  Ooooh no.  Not me!  Not yet!

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A little white chocolate drizzle and NOW they’re done.  I had to go ahead and put them in the bags so I wouldn’t eat them all.  SO TASTY!

So there you have it!  What I’ve been promising to do for about a week now.  But with pictures!  And that’s better, right?  I’ll post more pictures of the truffles when I get them coated.  Hopefully they will look better then?  Hopefully.

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I CAN HAS CHRISTMUS PREZUNT NOW?

(That’s upside down, torn up wrapping paper he’s sitting on.  Bad kitteh!  I can’t even put ribbons on the presents now because Winston will chew on them and eat them and then come running into whatever room Rat and I are in and act like he’s dying and freak us all out and then hawk up a big chunk of ribbon.)