Barnmouse Blitherings


Letters to Gym People -Special Edition
February 6, 2008, 8:41 pm
Filed under: drop the cupcake and no one gets hurt, Public Humiliation

What’s so special about it, you might ask.  Well, nothing really, except that this one includes a letter to my bra.  Men, look away.

To the 50-ish guy with the comb-over and the Notre Dame sweatshirt talking on a cell phone while on the treadmill beside me,

Either get off the phone, or talk louder so that I can hear you and can stop straining.  I am blonde and therefore can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  At the moment, that one thing is not flying off the back of the treadmill.

***************

To the asshat in the Carolina t-shirt on the eliptical behind me,

There is a whole wall of glass in front of me and it’s dark outside.  I CAN SEE YOU.  Please wipe that creepy, toothy grin off your face or stop staring at me.  Again.  I CAN SEE YOU.  I am fully aware of my bra’s shortcomings and will absolutely never wear it to work out in again.  By the way, Duke is gonna kick Carolina’s ass tonight.  (I seriously felt like telling him that when he walked behind me, but I was gasping for air at the time and it probably wouldn’t have come out right.)  Oh, and piss off!

****************

Which brings me….

To my bra,

Stop it!  I hate you.  Enjoy your new life inside my trash can.

*****************

Say, are there any website designers out there looking to do some pro bono work?  Or how about some pro “bone” o work?  I can pay you in dog treats! 🙂  Or cookies.  I make a mean Chicken Kiev.  I just can’t look at any more stuff I don’t understand.  Which at this point, is just about everything.

*****************

Oh!  I nearly forgot to mention!  I jogged 20 minutes today!  TWENTY MINUTES!!!  YAY!!!  I’d like to give a special shout out to Beyonce and ‘the gals’ for their song Survivor which had the absolute perfect rhythm for the speed at which I was jogging.  And it’s a pretty damn good song as well.  I didn’t even mind listening to it four times as I tried to “survive” 20 minutes of jogging.



Letters To Gym People…The Forgotten Edition
January 27, 2008, 11:23 pm
Filed under: general wonderment, Public Humiliation, Weekly-ish Things

I started doing this awhile back when we joined our gym and I started “people watching’ there.  Sadly enough, I have not see “guy who jogs on treadmill in his socks” again.  But lucky for me, there has not been a shortage of strange people.

To the guy running on the treadmill 3 machines down from mine,

Thank you!  I feel like I should send you a note.  I was about to give up on jogging for 10 minutes when you got on the treadmill and started running in the same rhythm that I was.  You have no idea how much that helped!  Now I know why I always see people walking and running in pairs on the sidewalk!

Thanks again, mouse…the sweaty, kinda short girl with the hat on.

To the guy who bathed in Jerry Curl,

*cough* *wheeze* *gag*

*gasp*, mouse….the girl who couldn’t breath when you got on the treadmill beside her

To the guy in the school-bus-yellow sweatpants and black sweatshirt,

My eyes! 

Really.  Please try to pick pants and a sweatshirt that don’t cause temporary blindness.  And no stripes!!!

Also…5 minutes of iPod surfing before getting on the treadmill, 5 more minutes of iPod surfing after getting on the treadmill, and then yet 5 MORE minutes or iPod surfing once you turned the treadmill on, but then kept standing on the sides letting the belt run without walking on it?!  What was that?!  That’s 15 minutes you could have been exercising.  Couldn’t you have been walking while searching for whatever song you REALLY, REALLY needed to hear?

Just a thought, mouse….the distracted girl on the treadmill beside you

******************

I’m sure there’s more.  I’ve written tons of these while on the treadmill, but then once I get home I forget about them.  Except the lady in her 60’s on the stairmaster who apparently forgot to put on her sports bra underneath that skimpy tank top.  Ewwww.  Yeah lady, everyone was looking, but not for the reasons you wanted them to. *shudder*

That’s all for now folks!



CRIKEY!!!

Where has the time gone?!

Several things to report and a whole 20 minutes to do it!

First, Yes!  6 unexpected OVERNIGHT guests!  They happened to be my brother-in-law, his wife and their 4 young children.  Who scream high pitched screams and do not listen to their parents.  Of course, their parents don’t really seem to care that they’re in someone else’s house or that one of them (ME!!!) is suffering from a sinus headache.  Nor did it cross their minds that maybe we didn’t want to get up at 7 am, especially after said sinus headache didn’t go away until 4 am and some noisy “somethings” kept waking me up every hour or so.  Ugh.  Anyway.

Second!  Yesterday (before all the mess) I ran….*drum roll please* 15 MINUTES!!!!  YES!! WOO!!!!  I was planning on kicking up the pace and just running for 10 minutes again, but then I got to thinking that hmm…maybe I should make sure that I really can run for 10 minutes and that the previous day wasn’t just a fluke!  So I ran the 10 minutes and then said oh what the hell, I’ll run another minute….and then that minute went by and I said okay….one more minute!  And then I realized I was running in unison with the guy on the treadmill three machines down from the one I was on (Note To Kind of Tall Guy Running on Treadmill 3 Down from Mine…THANK YOU!  Please come back!!!) and it kind of gave me a second wind.  Now I know why I always see people running in pairs on the side of the road.  It just makes it so much easier!  Yay!

Third!!!  Yes!  There’s a third!  TODAY at the gym (even though I woke up feeling like crap!) (I have at LEAST 2 weddings to go to this year and I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going to be the chunky one!!!) I kicked up the MPH from 4.0 to 4.2!!!  And….AND did 15 MINUTES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!  I can’t believe it!  I’ll try not to talk about this so much in the future.  I’m just in shock that I actually did it!

Fourth.  Umm…I think there was a fourth….I just can’t remember what it could have been.  Hmm.  Too much excitement over all the running!  And my still being able to stand up straight and walk up the stairs!

I feel pretty.

*goofy grin*

Shadow had a grand time playing in the nearly negative amount of snow we got yesterday.  He likes to run around with his head down to the ground with his mouth open, scooping up little lines of snow like a bulldozer.  Hee. 

Hmm.  10 whole minutes left to write something interesting.

Oh!  While I was running at the gym today (me!  running!  yay!) I was trying to keep myself from looking at the time clock thingy, so I was thinking about this.  Yes.  I cannot stop thinking of things to write here.  Funny thing, I can never remember what I was going to write!  Except for now.  Anyway.  I think I’m going to start a weekly “New Year’s Resolution Check-up”.  If anyone wants on my list, just leave a comment or email me or whatever and tell me as much or as little about your New Year’s Resolutions as you’d like.  And hopefully, once a week, I’ll make a post here with updates on how mine are going and then ask y’all about your’s.  I was just thinking that if someone had ever kind of poked me and said Hey….how’s it going with that New Year’s Resolution?  That I might have actually kept one.  They’re just so easy to forget about….especially when January is gone and it’s halfway through February and someone comes home with a giant box of chocolates….or they go on sale at the grocery store and you see chocolate covered cherries….which happen to be your favorite….and they’re half off….and they’re just sooooo goooood…… and….*drool*

So!  Anyway!  If you’d like to participate….anytime in the year, just leave a comment or email me or send telepathic thoughts or a carrier pigeon!  ETC.  I hope you will!  I need some buddies to keep me on track!  🙂



I Did It!!!!!!
January 18, 2008, 11:57 pm
Filed under: general wonderment, Public Humiliation

I know, by reading that, it would seem like I cured a disease or something, but no.  Nothing like that.  But I did jog for 10 minutes without stopping!  Wooo!!!  Yay me!!!

I’ve got a whole 18 minutes to post this (for Blog 365), so I’m ahead of schedule.  Hee.  Just looking at the time stamps of my posts from this year, it becomes pretty clear that I forget about posting until I’ve got about 10 minutes left to the day.  But hey, 11:59 still counts! 😛

Anyway, I’m very tickled with myself right now.  I thought for sure it would take longer than 2 weeks to get to the point where I can jog for 10 minutes without stopping.  Especially since I hadn’t been able to jog in a long, looong time without feeling like my bones were slamming together, which, essentially, they were.  So!  Next goal!  Right now, I’m jogging at 4.0 miles an hour.  Basically, the slowest that you can jog without having to pause between each step.  But hey!  It’s still jogging!  Now I’m going to start kicking up the pace.  I say “kicking up”, which kind of implies that I’m going to go from 4.0 miles an hour to 6, but alas, this is not true.  Tomorrow, I think I’m going to try 4.1 or 4.2.  Probably 4.2.  Then when I get going a little bit faster than “slug pace” (which I feel I’m at now when I walk into the gym and see 5 people running like they’re being chased on the treadmill…and not for 10 minutes either!  For like….30 MINUTES!!!  That just blows my mind.  Anyway…) when I get going a little faster, I’m going to start stretching out the time, slooooowwwwwlllllllyyyyyyy.

EEP!  Only 5 minutes left to post!  Damn you Tyler Florence!!!  You and the yummy looking chicken you’re distracting me with!  I can’t look away!

I hope all y’all’s day was as good as mine!!!

Yay!  I JOGGED 10 MINUTES WITHOUT STOPPING!!!!  SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!



PICKING THE BAR UP OFF THE GROUND

Lately I think I’ve run out of interesting or the-least-bit funny stories or things to write about.  Like, the last four months or so.  Give or take a month.  Yes.  The bar, while already set fairly low, somehow ended up on the floor among the dust bunnies and the dog-hair tumbleweeds where it was kicked around and jumped over and I think maybe I tripped over it once.

Now that it’s the beginning of a new year (okay, 16 days late, but who’s counting?) and I’m going to attempt to pick the bar up off the ground and set it at a moderate level.  Hopefully, I will occasionally make it over the bar instead of landing flat on my face as I am want to do.  But be prepared to watch me fall on my face, most likely time and time again.  I hope to eventually get so good at jumping over the bar that I can do it in heels without messing up my hair or smearing my lipstick.  *note to self: start wearing lipstick*

So on to the New Year’s Resolutions that I promised…um…let’s just say “earlier” and leave it at that.

New Year’s Resolution #1 (or “numero uno” as I like to refer to it)  To be able to jog/run for 10 minutes without stopping.  This resolution includes several things I’d like to accomplish and become a part of my daily life and who I am, all in one, seemingly obtainable goal.  They include, but are probably not limited to: 1)keeping my back in good shape seeing as how I just got it back into working order with the help of a brilliant physical therapist.  It’s kept me from doing way too many things over the 10 years that I have apparently had a twisted, tilted pelvis and “ass bone” (because I can’t remember what that’s called), and several lower vertebrates were trying to pretend that they were one and would not move independently of each other.  I can now move, lay down flat, and sit without pain and without my bones jarring together when I jog!  2) The ever popular “get into shape” resolution, which has always been a part of my resolutions, but with such a bad back, I was limited in which exercises and how much I could do.  I know I’ll probably never be a size 2, but I can definitely be healthier and less face it, more svelte (look at me with the fancy words!) than I am now.  I would love to feel more confident in my own skin and hopefully the jogging/running will help accomplish that.  3) I love the outdoors.  I hope that when I can increase my jogging speed and time (from the 4 miles and hour for 8 minutes I’m at right now) to be able to just bolt out my front door and run along some of the fantastic trails we have around here.  That’s  one of the “lifestyle” things I was talking about.  There are more of these things, but I think this is enough explanation for one resolution.

New Year’s Resolution #2 – Go to the gym at least 3 times a week.  Obviously this goes along with the first resolution, so not too much explaining is needed here.

New Year’s Resolution #3 – Do my back and neck stretches and exercises at least 3 times a week.  In order to keep my back/pelvis/ass bone/blah blah blah in shape and to get the muscles around that area stronger so that I don’t end up on the couch for days at a time again, my physical therapist gave me *sigh* a LOT of exercises to do (some on a yoga ball!  Yay!  Fun!), one of which, I hate.  I really do.  I HATE this exercise.  I really like a few of them and am pretty neutral on the rest.  Anyway, I need to do them.  I know I need to do them.  But still I put it off.  Also, my neck and shoulders have been getting really sore and stiff lately, so she gave me some stretches that will help with that.  So I need to do them.  Or they will not help.  I’m hoping that by putting this out there that it will push me to do them.  *fingers crossed*

New Year’s Resolution #4 – Finish the baby blanket I’m making for a friend of mine.  I still have a hard time believing that I have friends that I went to preschool/kindergarten on up with that have kids and are having kids.  I mean, yes, I’m 26.  I know that in my head, but in my well…in another part of my head, I think I’m still 16 or so.  A very good friend of mine already has two…TWO kids and now, my very bestest friend from kindergarten or so on to high school is having a baby.  So, even though we definitely drifted apart and even kind of disliked each other for awhile there after a misunderstanding or whatever, we kind of reconnected a few years ago, so now that I know more than one dang crochet stitch (okay, okay….I know three) I’m making her a baby blanket.  I started it long enough ago that I should have finished four of them by now, but I’m still working on it.  I’m hoping to have it done before the child is in school.  Hee.

New Year’s Resolution #5 (I know, this is getting long) – Try a new dog treat recipe at least once a month.  This would obviously be for the benefit of Canine Confections (my dog treat business I’m trying to get started).  I should probably like, you know, try to sell them or something too.  Hmm. 

New Year’s Resolution #6 (or as this one is known “Enough damn resolutions already!) – Blog every day of 2008!!!  And not just blog.  Blog well!  Blog interesting!  Blog funny!  Blog stuff people other than my mom would want to read!!  And every day too!  Running and exercises are going to be cheese next to this.

So there you have it.  My new year’s resolutions for 2008.  Did you make any?  How about last year?  How did they turn out?  Speak up Dudes!  I’m all stuffed up and sick and trying not to sneeze out a lung and also boooooorrrrrrrrrred.  So I’m interested!  Really!  (in all honesty, I’m interested in all the comments you leave.  I’m like a little kid waiting for the ice cream van.  Empty email is so very depressing.  Especially when you’re sick and have nothing better to do than check my inbox every 30 seconds.)



DOES THIS MEAN I’M A GROWN UP NOW?

Yesterday, I bought my very first thing from Trader Joe’s.

Now, I have written about Trader Joe’s before.  And then when I walked in there for the first time, I wrote about my disappointment. (and also brown sugar glazed buffalo boogers…hee)

I’ve been in there a few times before yesterday, and the sheer amount of people in the tiny little store freaked me out to the point where I just couldn’t think about any else other than getting the hell out of there before I started to cry, or my ears started to bleed, or something else equally as traumatizing happened.

Heck of a run-on sentence there, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, when Rat and I had dinner at Super Model and Soon-to-be Mr Super Model’s house for dinner weekend before last we had cheese and crackers before dinner.  (They’re way classy like that.  When they come over here, they’re lucky if I throw them just plain crackers.  Hmm…appetizers!  What a novel idea! *making note to self*)  So they had several different kinds of cheeses.  One was a fig and (I believe) white cheddar, which Soon-to-be Mr Super Model made me taste (they’re well aware of my skidishness when dealing with new foods), and frankly, even though I smiled and said it wasn’t that bad…..*cough*itkindatastedlikefeet*cough*.  Soooo….yeah.  (and if you’re reading this, Super Model and the soon-to-be-mr….sorry…hee hee!)  Oh, yeah, my point.  Okay.  They had this other cheese…this double something cheddar with sun dried tomatoes and oregano that was just MWAH! *kisses fingers Italian style*  And wouldn’t you know, it was from Trader Joe’s. 

Damn.  I had to go back.

So apparently the crowds have calmed down a bit in the year that I’ve been avoiding the store.

The snootiness level, however, has just skyrocketed.  People!  Really!!!  Common courtesy!  Look around you before you go whipping that cart full of weird crap around and RIGHT INTO ME.  Oh, and don’t say you’re sorry or anything.  Just look at me like I’m in YOUR way and sigh and wait for me to walk around you.

I really have no idea why Trader Joe’s intimidates me so much.  I think it’s the over confidence and sense of entitlement that just oozes out of some of the people in there.  The check out girl, however, was so nice and one of those cute little chipmunk voices that I’m sure would get really annoying if you had to talk to her for a long amount of time.  But it was nice and refreshing at the time.

So…um..long story about cheese, huh?



ALL THOSE GETTING SNOWED IN RIGHT NOW, LOOK AWAY…

Rat and I made homemade ice cream today.  In January. 

My parents gave us an ice cream maker for Christmas this year and I just couldn’t wait any longer.  19 days is about all I could stand!  We made strawberry ice cream, but tons of other yummy-sounding recipes came with the ice cream maker. 

I’m definitely not one whose is very fond of ice cream (I have to eat it really slow to avoid the dreaded ice cream brain freeze), but this was good.  I seriously wish I could share it with all of you!  Except those allergic to strawberries.  For y’all I’ll make vanilla or something.

Anyway, I’m trying to finish making out my grocery list before I go to bed and it just dawned on me that I hadn’t blogged today, so ta-da!  I blogged.

Again, please excuse the choppy post.  I’m soooo very tired.  I went to the gym today (first time since last Sunday!  Yay me!) since I was feeling better (of course, I feel like crap again now, though) and I ran again!  Last week I ran 6 minutes, which I was ecstatic about!  But I knew I had to top that today.  Even as craptastic as I’ve been feeling lately.  So!  I ran for 8 minutes!!!  WOOO!!!!!  *doing the happy dance*  To run (or jog…whatev!) for 10 minutes is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.  And I kept thinking that in my head after I ran for 8 minutes.  So after walking for about 5 minutes so that I could breath again, I jogged for another 2 minutes.  Just to be able to say I jogged for 10 minutes.  Now in a row, but in the same workout!  I think next time I’ll have to just jog for 9 and then the next time do 10.  8 was a lot harder than 6.  But I did it!  And that’s the story of why I’m so damn tired and writing so crappily. (which is not a word)

So back to the grocery list it is.  I recently signed up for The Grocery Game, and OMG!!!  Why did I not do this before?  (well, because I didn’t know about it before…).  Really, if you’re interested in saving a TON of money, take a look around their website, or send me an email and I’ll explain it (’cause their website kind of makes some things hard to figure out…but that might be just me).  Also, if you do decide to sign up, if you tell them that I recommended them to you, (if 3 people sign up) then I get a few bucks off or something.  I really can’t remember!  Damn I’m tired! LOL